Your dog sucks

I'm not a dog person.

This is really more a product of my upbringing than any conscious decision I've made in my lifetime. I believe, firmly, that you end up owning the pets that your parents allowed you to have as a child. My parents were not having a dog (not that we were clamoring for one). We had a cat, but only because our next door neighbor was an elderly woman with a cat, who then passed away, and we ended up taking care of her cat and making him our family pet. These things happen.

But I digress.

We have a cat now. I am indifferent towards him. He's all right, and such, I mean, he's never called me an asshole or sabotaged my car like a James Bond villain. But I am a realist. I know that I am destined to outlive the cat, and when he moves on to Dead Bird and Mouse Island, I will remember him fondly and without sadness.

Having said that, I live in the suburbs. I see many people in my neighborhood who own dogs. And they love their dogs, boy, do they ever. I know other people who raise dogs in absence of human offspring. Also, your prerogative to do so. I mean, until you start breastfeeding them and all. Let's not make it all weird. But I cannot help but think as I watch my neighbors standing outside with their dogs. Standing, in front of someone's lawn, waiting for their dog to make.

So they can pick it up and take it home with them.

This is your life. Enjoy it. I'll stick to the litter box scooping and not having to spend five months a year standing outside in Arctic winds waiting for my dog to put a coil down.

Wake up call

I am resolving to start this blog back up again. As soon as I think of something worth writing about. Stay tuned, fictional imaginary readers.

The Ten 5k Challenge, Race #9 Recap (Syracuse Festival of Races)

I never wrote a race recap for race #8, the CNY Lungetivity 5k I ran two weeks ago, because the course was identical to the 5k ARC race I ran the week prior. It was a small group, 90 runners, and I ran it slower than I did the ARC race but managed to win a trophy for finishing 9th overall and 2nd in my age group.

That leads me to today's ninth 5k of 2010, the Syracuse Festival of Races.

So I got to the race this morning about 45 minutes before start time. The Festival of Races 5k is held just off of the Syracuse University campus; the start and finish lines are in front of Manley Field House which is where most of the team's non-Carrier Dome athletics are played. And what I noticed when I got out of my car was that it was COLD. About 45 degrees, to be precise. I am wearing just a tech tee and shorts and a baseball cap. My arms are cold and my hands are numb. Luckily the shirt they gave out to the runners was a long sleeved tech shirt, so I layer up and basically hop around until race time. This gets it done and it starts to warm up as the 9 AM gun time approaches. At about 8:55 I pop over to my car and ditch the hat and long sleeve tee as it had warmed up. And then it's GO TIME.

The course is basically a single hill at the start, followed by a mile and a half or so of suburban roads out, and then back again. A couple of things made this run different. First, in addition to a one mile split they had people calling out the splits at 1K, 2K, 3K, and 4k. Now I normally track my running in miles so I'm doing math in my head. Another difference is a chip time at 2.5K, basically a gate to run through halfway. Just something different.

At the 1K mark I'm clocked in at a cool 4:30. This is a decent pace for me, I figure at this pace I'm done in 22:30 and even if I slow down a bit I may break 23 minutes. My 1 mile split was a 7:05 which is about as fast as I've run them during the week. The sun is shining and I've got lots of elbow room... as this is a USATF sanctioned event I started in the back third and basically kept my place for the duration. At the 2K split I'm just over 9 minutes, so I'm still feeling good. I hit the turn, get to 3K at 13:35 or so. Still close to that 22:30-23 minute pace. Now is when I ease up just a smidge, as I'm starting to feel the gas. It's all flat here, and one or two runners pass me and I pass one or two others here and there, but I hit the 4K mark at a slower 18 minutes and 30 seconds.

Now I realize that if I want to set a PR I have to turn the jets back on. I get to the hill that started the race and someone calls out that I'm 400m from the finish. Just at this point the course veers and goes downhill and I find a little bit of a burst. I can see the clock and I know I've busted my PR by a nice margin, and I cruise in for a gun time of 23:12. I spent half the day wondering what my chip time was, as they weren't posting it anytime right after the race, but I knew I was several seconds behind the front group. Turns out I had a chip time of exactly 23 minutes.

But perhaps the best part of the event for me was watching a certain runner near the end of the finishers... there was someone working the PA system calling out bib numbers and names for the finishers as they crossed, and they announced it for all to see. Henry Sypniewski, trucking down the home stretch at around the 41 minute mark, wearing bib #92. Age 92. Set a USATF record for the fastest 5k ever run by a man at that age with a gun time of 41 minutes flat. I got choked up, I will admit it. This guy got some well-deserved cheers out there today.

No 5k races on the docket that I am pre-registered for. I am sure to run at least one more in 2010 as it was my resolution to do ten of them this year. There are a few races here and there between now and Thanksgiving, though I already have my eye on a "Turkey Trot" 5k on Thanksgiving morning.

An Open Letter to my Neighbor

Dear Sir,

I know, you love your dog. That's nice. While I will profess to being a "cat person," and all that this entails, I feel a compulsive need to point out to you as I see you walking your beloved canine in my neighborhood, that your dog doesn't need a sweater.

It really doesn't.

I don't know if you're aware of this, or understand the adaptive nature of mammalian evolution, but your dog was born with a coat of fur designed for this very task. Keeping your pet warm in colder weather, that is.

So, having said that, putting a sweater on your dog is akin to putting a feathered boa on a parakeet.

I'd like to believe the best about you, and your motivations, and what you do on your own time and in your own private life. Unfortunately for you, I have to assume that your real intent of putting a sweater on your dog is that you can have a romantic moment later, when you slowly and cinematically undress your dog in an homage to the wedding night scene with Al Pacino and his Sicilian wife in the first "Godfather" movie.

The Ten 5k Challenge, Race #7 Recap: ARC Race

Yesterday was my 7th 5k of 2010. This is the ARC race, the 16th annual and one of the larger 5k races in the area in terms of participation. ARC is a local charity in support of people with developmental disabilities, and they draw a good crowd. Last year's results told me two things: one, that they would draw more than 500 people, and two, that I could finish near the front of the pack based on the course and my recent race times. I went in confident.

The weather was pristine -- sunny and warm but not hot. We had several rainy, cruddy days leading up race day and the forecast is calling for several more in the upcoming days, so this was a window of niceness in the middle of it. The course is run across two local parks that are just 5 minutes from my home -- it starts in one park, crosses a single-lane bridge that is at the crest of a decent sized hill, and then runs to another park for about a mile and a half and then back again. So we hit the bridge/hill twice, once a minute in and once near the end. The majority of this run, the entire second park, is flat and fast. I know every turn and bend of it, too, as this is where I run much of the time.

I got to the park only to realize that I had forgotten my wrist watch. I considered driving home for it but I thought parking was only going to get hairier, so I decide to just run based on feel and not worry about my splits.

There's no chip reader at the starting line, and so I realize that there will only be gun times. Knowing that I should be in the top 20% of finishers, I make my way towards the front and start about 5 rows deep. And we're off!

I hit the bridge and hill at a good clip and find a steady rhythm. No pains or even nagging injuries to bother me and it's smooth sailing. There's a water stop at about the .8 mile mark, I don't even try to drink them anymore. I dump 100% of it on my head and keep on going. I hit the turn and feel like I'm going at a steady pace.

About 10 seconds after I hit the turn, and I'm headed back towards the finish, I see my nemesis! The guy who caught me at the Beaver Lake 5k and again at the Inner Harbor 5k, and he's close enough that he could catch me with a late burst. From here on in, every time someone gets close to passing me I turn around expecting to see him. At about the 2.5 mile mark I ease up a bit, I'm a little gassed and I am trying to save something for the bridge/hill at the end. When I hit it I am able to shoot past a couple of runners. A summer of running hills in the heat and I've noticed that I tend to hit the hills better than some of the more casual runners I am running against.

The finish line is through the parking lot, I hit the home stretch and I can see that the clock is just turned past 23 minutes. I know that I'm on a good pace, close to what I ran two weeks ago. I push with what I have left and cross at 23:37 gun time. My frienemy, whom I saw last at the turn, never caught me. I wait and see that he crossed a full 75 seconds later. I say hello to him and find out that he pulled his hamstring after the turn and eased up for the last half of the race. Still, it's good to see him and his friend, now I've seen these guys at the last three races.

I finished 68th out of 592 runners, and fifth out of 21 in my M35-39 age bracket. Not fast enough to win a medal, but still quite proud of myself. It's my fastest race time ever and also, percentage wise, my best finish of the year. Next race is this coming Sunday, at the same park. Not sure how much overlap between that race and the one I just ran, but hopefully the weather and results repeat themselves.

The Ten 5k Challenge, Race #6 Recap: Inner Harbor 5k

One week ago I ran the second annual "Inner Harbor 5k" in downtown Syracuse, to benefit some charity I never heard of before. Whatever... I pick them for the dates (preferring Sunday morning events) and proximity to my house. Well, it's evident when I drive downtown that they don't have a good handle on this thing. They identified the area where the race is but not where to park, and when I arrive 45 minutes before the race starts (and 15 minutes before the race-day registration and packet pick-up ends), a smarmy cop tells me that I'm running late and reluctantly lets me park near the race start. Whatever, officer. Get out of my grill.

The packet pick up is a mess - they've mis-allocated the dispensing of free shirts, and all that are left are XL sizes. It's a nice shirt, too, a tech shirt, of which I only have one other. Right when I get there they start dipping into the shirts that they were SUPPOSED to give out the day prior at pre-race packet pickup, except they weren't ready at that point either. I luck into a size L, a little long for me but wearable (and nice).

Then, they have signs pointing to the start area, except they point in two different directions. Sloppy. I run into the two guys I spoke to at the Beaver Lake 5k two weeks prior, both age 51 (according to their bibs) and including the guy who caught me and passed me at the finish line at that race. It's nice to have someone to gab with pre-race as the wife and kids are home in their pajamas.

Weather is great, sunny, a little warm but not stifling. And we're off!

Running through the streets of downtown Syracuse, I notice that some of the streets are in need of patchwork and there are some small to medium sized potholes. I manage to avoid injury (I found out later that two runners fell and hurt themselves in potholes) and the crowd thins out. I'm running at a good pace, mostly shade in the first mile, and the one graybeard who I was talking to I pass at about the quarter mile mark. My calf still is tight but it's not really affecting my stride or speed. It's just there.

No markers at either the first or second mile. So I have no clue where my pace is. The first half of the race is mostly on shaded streets and it's cool and comfortable. Then, about 12-13 minutes in, that ends and it's all sunshine. It feels good but I am heating up. A single water stop at about the 15 minute mark, and it's not particularly cool water. Blecch.

Finally, at mile 3 they have a sign and I see from my watch that I'm about 22:45 in. Which is solid, I'm just off my personal race best of 23:39 from Reston, VA on July 4th. I find a little juice and start to kick, and it's a straight shot from the 3 mile sign to the finish. Then I hear footsteps, and I know it's the same guy who caught me at Beaver Lake. He's going to pass me again, the bastard! I try and kick but he's gaining on me, and catches me.

I tell him, fairly winded, "Oh, you're going to do this to me again!" He smiles and eases up just a bit and we cross at identical times, 23:40. We finished 41st and 42nd out of 225 runners, and I finished 7th out of 26 men in the 30-39 age bracket. One second off of my personal best race time and I'm happy with it. I say farewell to my two new race friends (the other guy finished around 26:15 or so) and head home.

I was very happy with my showing, the course was nice and I would run it again. They had so many issues that the race organizer sent an email out the following Monday apologizing for all that went wrong, most of which pertained to the kids' fun run at 8:30. They've got 12 months to fix it for next year.

Next race is this upcoming Saturday, the annual 5k Arc race. Last year close to 600 people ran it, I do enjoy a big crowd like that.Congrats on your long run MF! Good for you.

I never wrote my race report for 5k #6.

So this was the second annual "Inner Harbor 5k" in downtown Syracuse, to benefit some charity I never heard of before. Whatever... I pick them for the dates (preferring Sunday morning events) and proximity to my house. Well, it's evident when I drive downtown that they don't have a good handle on this thing. They identified the area where the race is but not where to park, and when I arrive 45 minutes before the race starts (and 15 minutes before the race-day registration and packet pick-up ends), a smarmy cop tells me that I'm running late and reluctantly lets me park near the race start. Whatever, officer. Get out of my grill.

The packet pick up is a mess - they've mis-allocated the dispensing of free shirts, and all that are left are XL sizes. It's a nice shirt, too, a tech shirt, of which I only have one other. Right when I get there they start dipping into the shirts that they were SUPPOSED to give out the day prior at pre-race packet pickup, except they weren't ready at that point either. I luck into a size L, a little long for me but wearable (and nice).

Then, they have signs pointing to the start area, except they point in two different directions. Sloppy. I run into the two guys I spoke to at the Beaver Lake 5k two weeks prior, both age 51 (according to their bibs) and including the guy who caught me and passed me at the finish line at that race. It's nice to have someone to gab with pre-race as Fwife and Fkids are home in their pajamas.

Weather is great, sunny, a little warm but not stifling. And we're off!

Running through the streets of downtown Syracuse, I notice that some of the streets are in need of patchwork and there are some small to medium sized potholes. I manage to avoid injury and the crowd thins out. I'm running at a good pace, mostly shade in the first mile, and the one graybeard who I was talking to I pass at about the quarter mile mark. My calf still is tight but it's not really affecting my stride or speed. It's just there.

No markers at either the first or second mile. So I have no clue where my pace is. The first half of the race is mostly on shaded streets and it's cool and comfortable. Then, about 12-13 minutes in, that ends and it's all sunshine. It feels good but I am heating up. A single water stop at about the 15 minute mark, and it's not particularly cool water. Blecch.

Finally, at mile 3 they have a sign and I see from my watch that I'm about 22:40 in. Which is solid, I'm just off my personal race best of 23:39 from Reston, VA on July 4th. I find a little juice and start to kick, and it's a straight shot from the 3 mile sign to the finish. Then I hear footsteps, and I know it's the same guy who caught me at Beaver Lake. He's going to pass me again, the bastard! I try and kick but he's gaining on me, and catches me.

I tell him, fairly winded, "Oh, you're going to do this to me again!" He smiles and eases up just a bit and we cross at identical times, 23:40. We finished 41st and 42nd out of 225 runners, and I finished 7th out of 26 men in the 30-39 age bracket. One second off of my personal best race time and I'm happy with it. I say farewell to my two new race friends (the other guy finished around 26:15 or so) and head home.

I was very happy with my showing, the course was nice and I would run it again. They had so many issues that the race organizer sent an email out the following Monday apologizing for all that went wrong, most of which pertained to the kids' fun run at 8:30. They've got 12 months to fix it for next year.

Next race is this upcoming Saturday, the annual 5k Arc race. Last year close to 600 people ran it, I do enjoy a big crowd like that.

My Thoughts on the Custodial Arts

I should spend more time being thankful (to whomever) for the position I have reached in my life. I am fortunate enough to be paid to use my brain for a living. I work with computers, so I spend the majority of my time sitting at a desk, typing. It's really the job I was meant to have; even as a high school student I spent my summers doing data entry while my brother and my friends washed dishes and mowed lawns. Not to discount that, it's fine for a great many people. Just not me.

Where I work, like where most people work (hopefully), there are janitors. They are an odd lot, especially in my current place of employment. There's one bald janitor with a perpetual goofy smile on his face. He re-enacts this conversation approximately 350 times per day.

Worker: "Hey, Robert, how are you?"
Janitor: "I'm getting there! Not sure where there is though!"

This joke repeats itself like the Zapruder film scene from the movie "JFK." Again and again, all day. I only say hello to Robert. I refuse to ask him how he's doing and participate in his little yuk-fest.

There was another bald janitor here who had a bicycle decorated as a shrine to the late Thurman Munson, complete with photos, statistics, and even a little statue of him. This guy was constantly muttering to himself. He no longer works here, I suspect that he is crying somewhere in an Ohio cornfield.

My theory was that the two bald janitors were cyborg creations of one of the researchers here, a bald fellow himself who I was told studies artificial intelligence. He keeps trying to clone himself, my theory supposes, but got one clone too happy, another too surly, and so on. I'm looking forward to the sneezy and bashful bald janitor clones.

Then there's another janitor who reminds me of Shrek. He keeps giving me the prison yard love stare. I can't help but feel like he's looking at me in an attempt to magically transform my life into his and his into mine, like that movie with Jodie Foster and her mom from the 1970s (which sucked) or the movie with Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore from the 1980s (which also sucked). So far his efforts to go all "switcheroo" on me have failed. AHA!

Not sure where I'm going with this, really. Pick up your own trash, give these guys a break, or they'll haul you off to their basement and put you in a bell jar.